I've been hesitant to write this post. This has been weighing on my mind for a long time, but I hesitated because there is a strongly likelihood that this is going to cause drama. So far I have been baring it all and documenting the authentic, if sometimes ugly, parts of this journey, so to leave this part out just feels wrong. It has had a huge impact on me and on Brent so I need to just write it out and let the chips fall where they may.
I also hesitated to write this because I know some people are going to take this as whining. And I do not mean it as whining. It's an unpleasant part of the process, but overall I am glad for it. Let me explain...
I've spent a good deal of time writing about all the people I am grateful for. The people who's support has been like a life boat in this storm. People who came over, who sent meals, who still to this day call or text or message just to check in and check on us. People who say they are thinking of Hannah. People who acknowledge that she existed, that we loved her and that while her life was way too brief, acknowledge that she mattered and had a profound impact us. I know who you are and I am forever grateful. You are all amazing.
But there is a flip side to this coin. The people who refuse to acknowledge her. They let holidays and other milestones go by without acknowledging her. They have never used her name or sincerely offered condolences. These people rolled in and out of her service, making it clear in both demeanor and lack of emotion that they didn't want to be there, didn't understand the fuss and certainly were not sorry about the loss. They let the holiday season go by without even a simple "I know this has to be tough." They didn't recognize her due date, or Mother's Day. These people, who are supposed to be family - FAMILY - made it clear with their silence that her loss didn't touch them in even the smallest way. They go about their business like she never happened, completely absorbed in themselves and shutting us out. The refuse to use her name.
It's hurtful because these are people that we have always supported. When they faced their own type of loss we were there offering support and distractions. I expected the same in return. and I was let down. I expected to be treated as if we mattered and as if Hannah mattered and that didn't happen. It's disappointing and hurtful and it makes me irate. It's unfair and unjust and awful and really I shouldn't be surprised because that's how it's always been with that crowd. But as I move through the initial shock of grief I find myself focusing on my anger at this particular crowd and that's not healthy for me. What I need to focus on is all the good that we are surrounded by, because the people that love us far, far outnumber the people that couldn't care less. And that is the silver lining of this cloud.
But every now and again, I will let myself remember who made the hurt worse and who's careless attitude spoke louder than their words ever could. They are showing their authentic selves and that is something that it's best to not forget.
No comments:
Post a Comment