October first. So we meet again. And start that long, hard march to November 2nd. Where we inevitability arrive tired, worn down and emotionally exhausted. But where we also say “I’m good!” when anybody asks. “I’m good” becomes our battle cry, as if saying enough can erase the nightmares, the flashbacks, the memories of the time before, when we were all whole and didn’t realize what was coming next. It’s the month of always feeling one step away from tears. My stomach constantly in a knots, anticipating what’s coming. No rest, no patience, no peace.
It’s weird, this month of October. It was always my favorite month of the year. Sweaters and cute boots, trips to the pumpkin patch and Halloween. But it’s so incredibly hard at the same time. I can stand in the doorway of Teddy’s room and still see all of Hannah’s things. I can almost smell her. I used to be able to smell her. But like so many things, that’s gone now. She be turning seven this year. All those years and memories we never got to make. All the hugs and smiles we missed.
Sigh…October, here we go. Let’s do this…
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