When "Thank You" is Not Enough

I've been reading books and surfing websites about grief for a couple different reasons. One is to know that we aren't the first ones to travel this path. Sad, but oddly helpful. Another is to find out what to expect down the road as we move through the stages of grief. One of the most common themes I've been reading about is loneliness. It seems that experiencing the loss of a child causes many people to feel alone and I'll admit that I felt that way in January when I had my miscarriage. But I never felt that way when H passed.

I felt lonely in that I felt H's absence acutely. But I never felt alone. Instead, we had friends coming out of the woodwork to do whatever they could. Everything we could have ever wanted was offered - most importantly many, many shoulders to cry on. The offers to visit and comfort started before we even left the hospital. It was amazing and awful all at once. But I never had to feel alone.

Through the last 6 weeks as we began learn to deal with our new version of normal, we have been constantly reminded of what an amazing group of friends we have. Not a day goes by where someone doesn't reach out to check on us, cry with us or just let us know they are thinking about us. I know that I personally have been terrible about responding to everything, but every text message, every email, card, every meal delivered to our door has been heard and appreciated beyond words. I want to reach out to everyone and say "Thank you" but those words don't seem to cover it. How exactly do I thank people for pulling us through the worst thing we ever experienced? What words exist to properly convey the weight of my message?

There are no words. They just don't exist. So I will show my gratitude by offering a simple but heartfelt "Thank you" and  then pulling myself out of bed when I want to the least. By putting a smile on my face and engaging in life even when all I want to do is hide. I will move forward and work hard to find my peace. Because I know the only way I can do this is through the strength my friends have given me. And I will not let that gift be go to waste.