Dear Abby,
I can't help but notice that you haven't retracted or apologized for your cruel and thoughtless column on June 7th. Stillborn is still born. We love our children. We will love them with our whole hearts until the day we die.
Here's the thing Dear Abby, you are not alone in your ignorance. And that's what makes your comments sting all the more. There are countless people as cruel as you who think still births don't count. Look at our current administration. They refuse to count still births amount the detained immigrants as actual deaths. But they are deaths. And they do count. My husband's own stepmother has decreed to the family that no one is allowed to mention my daughter. That it doesn't matter.
As loss parents we fight EVERY SINGLE DAY to break the silence. We want - no, we need - to shatter the silence around stillbirths so that we may openly grieve. We are tired of crying in the shower or the car. All alone so no one can see us. So no one like you can judge us or try to instill a timeline on our grief. We try to shatter the silence, to remember our children, to carry their memories forward every day.
Congratulations, you just made that battle harder.
I hope you never know the soul crushing grief of losing a child. I hope you never know what it's like to move through the days, years, decades with a constant ache for your missing child. But if you ever do, I hope your grief is met with more grace and love than you showed us in your column.
Sarah Elvin - Hannah's Mom
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