To the Moon and Back

Tonight I started prepping to haul the family out of state for a wedding. And while we are all SO EXCITED that this wedding is finally happening, its another reminder that a piece of our small family is missing. A very important piece. Even happily anticipated events have this cloud. A reminder that we aren't all where we should be.

The boys will be ring bearers. The cutest ring bearers ever if you ask me. But the flower girl... There will be no flower girl. There will be no small white dress and crown of roses. A smiling 3 year old will be missing from all the pictures. There will be no high pitched girly giggles in the crash of the ocean waves. No daughter dancing on her daddy's toes.

We will have fun. We will smile and genuinely enjoy ourselves and celebrate the newly married couple. But at the same time we will wonder what it would be like to be whole and we'll be looking for butterflies. A sure sign that Hannah is with us even when she isn't.

On repeat today: Winter Bear by Colby Grant. It captures my feelings perfectly.

I knew you before I knew your name
I loved you before I saw your face
I longed for you for all of that time
And I held your heart in mine
I kissed you you a hundred million times
I tasted the tears that I cried
I held you my beautiful child
And I'll keep your heart in mine
I love you to the moon and back
my little winter bear
I know you know how much that is
cause you're already there.
I never knew a love like this could ever possibly exist,
I love you to the moon and back
as long as I live.
I see you in all of the stars,
shine brightly right into our hearts
I look at the night sky above
and wonder can you feel my love.
I love you to the moon and back
my little winter bear
I know you know how much that is
cause you're already there.
I never knew a love like this could ever possibly
exist, I love you to the moon and back
as long as I live.
I love you to the moon and back
my little winter bear
I know you know how much that
cause you're already there.
I never knew a love like this
could ever possibly exist,
I love you to the moon and back
as long as I live.
I love you to the moon and back...
winter bear
I knew you before I knew your name
I loved you before I saw your face
I longed for you for all of that time
and I'll keep your heart in mine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgLtD52jjBY