Today I gave Hannah's car seat away. It went to the family of someone that we love and someone that needs it. So it's in good hands. But I had no idea how hard it was going to be to let it go. I cried for the entire 30 drive there and the entire 30 minute drive home.
Confession, I haven't done anything in Hannah's nursery yet. It's still sitting there, all put together like it's still waiting for her to come home. So going in there this morning, taking the car seat out and giving it away really brought home the fact that she's not coming home. She's not going to wake up in her beautiful crib, or wear any of her cute little clothes. Her shoes, her blankets, her rocking chair will all go unused.
It's the movement of taking something that should have been hers and making it not hers that knocked me down today. Getting rid of her car seat was the first move I have made towards clearing out her things. It's the unavoidable beginning of not only saying good bye to her but saying good bye to what was hers. I love being surrounded by her things because it reminds me that while her life was brief, it was still a life, she was still loved. She was mine and she will always be mine. I may hate the fact that the only place I can carry her now is in my heart, but I will cling tightly to that at the same time. My sweet girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment