What is that saying that the Girl Scouts always sing about? "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and other's gold." This is so true with child loss. Well, at least it is in my case, but I think I've been extremely lucky with my support circle.
I love my old friends. And I need them now more than ever. Not only were they there when we were first blindsided with loss, and they held me up (sometimes literally) as we went through the process of planning a funeral and saying goodbye. They were my rock, my sanity and my last link to who I was before my world fell apart. It's in them that I can see small glimpses of who I was, who I thought I would always be.
Then there are my new friends. My baby loss friends. It's amazing how quickly we can bond over this shared tragedy. They are the ones that have helped me see through the aftermath. They are the first ones I go to on a bad day. Not because my old friends wouldn't love and support me, but my new friends have had the same bad days. They were also the first ones I went to when we got a positive pregnancy test last week. And the first ones I reached out to when we lost that baby too.
Old friends, new friends. I am truly grateful for each and everyone one of you. I know I've been isolating myself. I know I've been quiet and appear withdrawn. I've been introspective and emotional and basically avoiding human contact when possible. Bear with me, I am still trying to figure out who I am in this new world of mine. But one thing I know to be true, I have learned who my friend (old and new) truly are and I love you all right back. Even if I'm not so good at showing it right now.
